Queen Jane Approximately
by PunchDrunkPunk
Summary: Oh, no. No, no, no, no. The last time you made me over I looked like the transvestite hooker from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
1. Danger of the Water

**Queen Jane Approximately is currently undergoing a rewrite. I will be making changes to some glaringly obvious spelling and continuity mistakes, but other than that I will leave the storyline, and continue, hopefully, from where I left off. Thanks everyone, for all of your very kind reviews and for your reading. **

--

"Donnelly! Where do you think you're going?" The way Coach Lavender said it wasn't exactly a question. Someone snickered. That blonde kid. Fuck that blonde kid. He's on the swim team anyways.

"Well, you see Coach L, Sir, I was just on my way to-"

"The pool, Miss Donnelly."

"Right." _Well shit. It's a little late to pop up now and announce 'Hi, I'm Holly Donnelly, I can't swim well enough to pass the Presidential Fitness Test without water wings and flotation devices the size of Heather Sinclair's implants!_

She dipped a toe into the deep end as if testing the water, stalling. The group behind her shifted impatiently, muttering like a forty-headed entity. She straightened the leg on the deck, ready to step back and offer some mortifying excuse about feminine problems, when she was suddenly rushing forward, extended foot meeting air instead of floor. The blonde boy from the swim team had apparently gotten bored and decided to take matters into his own hands. His right hand, to be specific.

Panicking, the girl thrashed her limbs, heel connecting with the pool floor and sending her skidding sideways. She inhaled, gagging on the chlorine- and probably pee-infested water and her own hair, floating in a thick dark curtain around her nose and mouth and obscuring her vision.

_Which way is up? …It's not actually bad, this drowning thing_, she decided hazily. _At least there's no sweat involved._

But then hands- big hands- gripped her almost roughly, as if scared, towing her in some direction she couldn't place. Everything went soft, like she was seeing through one of those flannel shirts she wore into rags.

"…Holly? Holly?!… Coach… She's not… breathing…" Everything was still swimming… The voice was loud… and then quiet.

"Everybody move back!" This was a new voice, not the voice of the hands that had grabbed her. This one was older, richer maybe. She knew both voices, classmates… Lips were on hers then like fire, sucking and pulling and giving and warm and alive… And she was coughing water directly into the face of Caleb Danvers.

Holly drew in a rattling breath between coughs, the blue in her lips slowly retreating though her skin remained an unhealthy, yellowy pale. Her eyes were large with fright in her face, their olive green bright in contrast to the bloodshot whites of her eyes.

"Asshole," her voice was low, but it traveled.

"I almost did us all a favor, kids," Reid replied with a shrug- though he looked more pale than usual- as he turned to slouch off towards the lockers. By now, Coach L had stopped wringing his hands and hyperventilating enough to shoo students off to change for lunch. Concerned dark eyes peered down at Holly, studying the girl's face.

"You okay?"

"Fabulous, really."

"Are you sure? Do you need to go to the nurse?"

"Don't worry about it." Caleb rose, and extended a hand to pull the girl up. They were nearly alone in the gym now, only Pogue waited for Caleb by the lockers. Caleb turned to leave, but Holly murmured "Hey," almost inaudibly, a hand rising up to cradle the back of her neck. He turned expectantly.

"Did you pull me out of the pool?" Caleb cocked an eyebrow, looking at her oddly.

"Don't you remember? Tyler did."


	2. The Boys Are Back In Town

"So remind me why we couldn't be roommates this year?" Holly whispered to Kyle as she wrinkled her nose with distaste at the name under her own on the official-looking page in her hand.

"Um, because we can't afford priority housing, so we did the lottery again?" Kyle smoothed a white chunk of hair down against her head, scratching the dark roots of her pixie cut with a purple nail.

"But I didn't think Sarah _Wenham _would be doing the lottery too. Sarah Best Friends With The Kateasaurus Rex Wenham." Kyle frowned up at her friend.

"Sarah's nice. You should give people more of a chance." Of course Sarah was nice to Kyle. Most people were nice to Kyle. She was pretty. She looked like Twiggy, or maybe Edie Sedgwick with better eyebrows.

"I'll give anyone a chance who gives me a reason to."

"Isn't that kind of an oxymoron?"

"Shut up. Hey, when does Jeremy get-"

"Hey, are you-" Came a voice from somewhere behind Holly.

"The girl who Reid pushed in the pool last year. Yes. What?" Turning, Holly came face to face with a pretty blonde girl who was in the process of offering a hand to shake.

"Well, actually I was going to say aren't you the Holly who had that piece published in Ink magazine? But um, that's good to know too." Sarah bit back a smirk at the bright splotches covering the taller girl's face.

"Oh… uh… yuh. I guess." _YUH?!?! Since when is Yuh a word?_

"You're an amazing writer. I thought that poem was so… eloquent, I guess. Really really beautiful."

"Uh.." _How about I try for a non-grunt this time._ "Thanks?" _Good enough._

"I'm Sarah Wenham." Holly shook the girl's small, annoyingly non-callused hand.

"Holly Donnelly."

"You're my new roommate, I believe?"

"Yeah, I guess." _Good. Multisyllabic response. Shows improvement._

"Do you know what floor we're on?"

"The first, cause it's room 112. The floor number's always the first number. At least I won't actually have to do anything that might constitute as exercise just to get to my room." Last year she had been on the fifth floor, and Sarah smiled at her in understanding.

"But there will be more annoying freshman girls hanging around."

"Too true. We call them freshmeat." Sarah laughed then, and Holly caught herself watching the girl.

"Hmm? Do I have something in my hair?" A pale hand reached up to hover above golden strands.

"What? No, I was just thinking that you were different… than I'd thought you might be."

"Less of a snobby bitch?" Sarah teased, but her smile was genuine.

"Maybe," Holly allowed, ducking her head.

"Well, I'll make a confession, I guess, then. I was intimidated to be your roommate." Holly raised an eyebrow, incredulous. "No, seriously. I've only been expounding on the virtues of your writing in Ink all summer to Caleb. I was sure you were going to be a too-cool-for-school, Parliament smoking Eric Stoltz type character from Some Kind of Wonderful and think I was such a dweeb."

"I love Some Kind of Wonderful!" Holly's enthusiasm surprised even herself. "It's my favorite John Hughes movie," both girls finished together, before Holly ducked her head once more, and they laughed. Sarah lead the way to their new room, key in hand. If she didn't watch out Holly might just find herself becoming friends with the second-most popular girl in Spencer. She couldn't have that, now, could she?

They reached the room and Sarah rolled her eyes at Holly when she realized they were sandwiched between a room shared by two incoming freshman boys who could be heard fighting loudly with their online Halo team and a triple occupied by what could politely be called the Britney Spears Fan Club of all sophomores. Sarah opened the door with a deft twist of the old key in her hand, pushing it open to allow Holly to walk in before her. She stopped just inside the threshold, turning to the blonde girl.

"Don't worry," her voice was low, playful. "I mostly stick with smoking Marlboros."

--

"What do you mean, I'm not on the team???" Reid's voice was incredulous; he looked ready to hit Coach Lavender in the face with a kick board.

"I mean that the school board has decided that, given last years…accident, it would be best for you not to take part in Spencer's esteemed water sports program."

"How the fuck was I supposed to know she couldn't swim??" Lavender hesitated, the look on his face begging the boy to let it go so he could go back to reading one of the Playboys he kept in the bottom drawer or his desk.

"It was less the incident itself and more the fact that you expressed a discomfiting lack of remorse, as well as failing to so much as attempt to come to Miss Donnelly's aide." Reid shifted in his chair, feet jiggling impatiently.

"Did you learn those big words in your big board meeting?" The teen's blue eyes were cold.

"Garwin…" Coach Lavender rumbled warningly.

"Tyler had it under control, anyone could see that."

"And that kind of response is precisely what I- and the school board- mean. Your attitude towards your peers is concerning, and the school is hesitant to have you in a place of competition against some who might feel… unsafe, around you." Reid ripped a hand through his hair, growing more and more irritated. Time to try a new tactic.

"Look, Mr. L, dude- er, Coach Lavender… I completely understand. I have had… problems with my attitude in the past, but who hasn't?" He smiled, spreading his hands in an "I'm innocent" sort of gesture that a blind man wouldn't buy. "How can I convince you that I should be allowed to participate with my fellow athletes? This is my last season, Coach. There'll be scouts…" Lavender sighed, examining his hands in front of him. Losing a varsity swimmer as they entered their senior year wasn't exactly high on his list of priorities, either. Reid took nearly every backstroke event in the league. There had to be some way to convince the school board…

"Look, Garwin. Perhaps you can convince the school board that you have grown some, gained moral fiber. You give Miss Donnelly swim lessons, convince her to join the team and I'm sure I can try and work something out."

"What? Convince Drowning Donnelly to swim? You've got to be kidding me." Reid laughed, surprised Coach L had found a sense of humor hiding somewhere under that stack of Playboys- probably with the copy featuring Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard on the cover. Holly Donnelly was as likely to take swimming lessons from him as she was to pose nude on the cover of a magazine.

"This is no laughing matter, Garwin. You do it, we'll talk. You don't, you'll be high and dry come swim season."

_Well, shit._


	3. Iris

Pogue smirked and Tyler stifled a laugh, while Caleb merely looked at Reid.

"And how exactly do you propose to get Holly to let you give her swimming lessons?" Reid smirked at that, and popped a fry into his mouth.

"That shouldn't be hard." Now it was Caleb's turn to smirk.

"I wouldn't be so sure. Sarah's told me about Holly."

"There's always Plan B…." Reid let the sentence hang.

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Tyler spoke.

"Then don't."

"Well, I'll bite," drawled Pogue. "What's Plan B?"

"Make her fall in love with me." Reid said this so matter of factly that Caleb burst out laughing. "What?"

"Whatever, dude. You'll figure it out, I'm sure." Reid stood, and left the cafeteria for the locker rooms. Better start prepping, before he can't keep up with the other boys at practice. If Holly didn't want to learn to swim, he was sure he could figure out some… incentive for her.

--

"Hey Reid," Sarah looked puzzled when she opened the door to her room several hours after dinner to find the boy there, knuckles poised to knock again. "What can I do for you?"

"Is… uh, is Holly around?"

"Holly?"

"No, William Shatner. Yes Holly."

"She went out a little bit ago."

"Did she tell you where?"

"I didn't ask…" Without another word, Reid turned away from the door. Sarah stood motionless for a minute, thinking, before closing the door with a shake of her head.

--

"So do you wanna tell us how in the hell you got us a gig here? At Nicky's? A _live gig… _In a bar with more than three people in it, where two are the bartender and fry cook?" Holly's gaze on Adam was suspicious.

"Alright, fine, I give up! I was trying to maintain some semblance of grandeur, but if you must ruin it my cousin Neal got a job as a dishwasher here and he got us an in with Nicky." Pouting, Adam managed to look more attractive than he already was, if possible. Holly ran a hand through the boys dark mop of curls, fluffing them into a pompadour. "Thanks, Holls, really. Love you too."

"Hey, where's Jer? Wasn't he supposed to be here by now?" Jeremy had two talents: drumming, and showing up hours late for anything remotely important.

"Jer's here," this panting voice came from the boy sprinting away from a local bakery's delivery truck, drum sticks in hand as he looked over his shoulder to yell a muffled "thanks Hughey!" to the driver, who grinned in reply. "Sorry I'm late," the boy said as he pulled a croissant from his back pocket and bit into it. "Mojo's on the fritz again."

"When are you ever going to get a new car? Didn't that thing spontaneously combust last summer?" Kyle poked her head out from the girls' bathroom across the hall from the kitchen the rest of the band was congregating in. Jeremy puffed his chest out indignantly.

"She mildly overheated, and I had a fire extinguisher. She's fine. Volvos are very dependable cars."

"If they're made before 1898," Holly muttered under her breath, ducking as Jeremy threw the remains of his dinner at her. "Testy, testy," she grumbled as she brushed crumbs from her hair.

"Hey Holly, C'mere," Kyle called from inside the bathroom. Holly jumped off of the counter she'd been perching on, and dodged the flailing tangle of arms and legs that was a rock-paper-scissors match between Adam and Jeremy gone bad, making her way across the room. She pushed open the bathroom's swinging door.

"Yeah?" Kyle had been waiting. She grabbed the girl, dragging her in before she could protest and leaning on the door to keep her from escaping.

"Makeover time."

"Ooooh, no. No, no, no, no! The last time you made me over I looked like the transvestite hooker from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

"Look, I'll do something different, but seriously Holls, over my dead body are you wearing flannel onstage."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Holly couldn't decide whether or not to be genuinely offended.

"Okay. Purple and green flannel is just never okay, those shoes are older than you are, and you tried to sew the holes in your pants with three different colors of thread, Holly. _Three._" She glanced down at her faded blue Vans, the left one duct taped to keep the sole on.

"I hate shopping," the girl muttered defensively, shrugging her shoulders but allowing the blonde girl to tow her to the mirror, shrugging her flannel overshirt off as she went.

"Arms up," Kyle barked bossily, pulling Holly's shirt over her head as she pouted like a two year old. She replaced the flannel with a wife beater, and Holly raised one familiar eyebrow.

"It has a banana on it."

"It's mod art, Holly," Kyle nearly shrieked. "Like that Velvet Underground LP!"

"Sorry, Jesus." Deftly avoiding a well-timed kick to the shin, Kyle managed to yank off Holly's vans and jeans, pulling a pair of glaringly neon harlequin tights up the girl's legs. Even Holly had to laugh as she took in her outfit in the mirror so far. The shirt bagged at the chest- Holly chose on this occasion not to note her sad lack of boobage- but the crotch of her tights fell somewhere near halfway down her thighs. Reduced to a waddle, the girl nearly fell over laughing.

"Alright," Kyle said, trying to maintain a straight face. "We'll have to stretch those out a bit. Seating Holly on a toilet, Kyle pulled the feet of the tights as she put all of her weight into it; finally Holly was able to pull the tights up to an appropriate and rather more comfortable level, though they'd acquired several tears. "They're fine," Kyle assured her, pulling a pair of black tweedshorts from her bag. Once she'd safety-pinned the broken clasp onto the other girl, she stood back to survey her masterpiece in progress. The tights were much better, and the shorter fit of the shorts on Holly's longer legs actually suited the tall girl better than herself. "Those shorts look good on you," she mused as she rummaged through her Mary Poppins-like bag and pulled out a pair of knee-high black motorcycle bootsboots from her bag. "Keep them." Holly looked at her incredulously, resigned to her fate in fashion hell as the slightly older, fashion Nazi she called a best friend buckled up the sides of her boots.

"I look ridiculous."

"Rock and roll. It's rock and roll."

"If rock and roll got lost somewhere on it's way out of _The Yellow Submarine_!"

"I'm going to choose to ignore that comment," Kyle replied with a slight smile, instead darting one hand to quickly snap the elastic out of Holly's messy braids.

"Kyle- not the hair! Have you no decency as a human being, to subject the crowd to such a monstrosity?" The girl reached a hand up to smooth her own pixie cut, before swiftly unbraiding Holly's hair. With a sigh, Holly gave up, closing her eyes and waiting for it all to be over.

Several minutes later, she surveyed a smoky-eyed, snaky-haired fashioned person that looked a little bit like a girl she knew named Holly, who thought putting on black eyeliner with one of her father's grunge flannel shirts from the nineties was a style. Strange.

"You look amazing," Kyle shoved what remained of the Holly she knew into her bag, standing up to survey them together.

"I look like Andy Warhol threw up on me."

"Shut up and go find your bass."

--

In Pogue's apartment, Reid and Tyler were fighting for space on the last available surface, a large and rather squashy chair. At last, Tyler conceded and sank to the floor as Reid elbowed him and wedged himself in between Tyler and the back of the chair.

"Dude," Tyler scanned crumpled flyer he'd stuffed into his pocket that morning as he nudged Reid. "There's gonna be live music at Nicky's tonight."

"Let's go," Pogue said from his spot on his couch beside Kate. "There's only so much Elimidate I can take here."

"Shut up," Kate laughed, cuffing him.

"Actually, I'm with Pogue," Sarah's voice rose from the floor in front of the small couch, where she lay with her head resting on Caleb's stomach.

"I'm driving," Caleb and Reid said simultaneously, Caleb groaning when Reid jumped up to snatch the keys.

"So, we're going to the show if we make it there alive," he said under his breath as he reached a hand out to pull Sarah from the floor.

"Let's roll," Tyler said from the door.

"Only if you never say Let's roll again," Pogue mumbled beneath his breath. Tyler's ears turned faintly pink as he shoved Pogue and trotted out the door.

--

"And tonight, ladies and gentleman," Nicky himself boomed from behind the mic, "I would like to bring out our first live act in a long time, a little band called Queen Jane Approximately!" With that, Adam sauntered up to the microphone with his guitar, one hand reaching for it's stand as the other steadied the neck of his instrument. Kyle moved to her spot at a stool behind the keyboard as Jeremy wound around the waiting drum kit to his seat. Holly clutched her guitar with white-knuckled fingers as she tried to find a spot on the tiny stage where she would feel less exposed.

"Hey guys, I'm Adam and we're Queen Jane Approximately. Our first song here's called "Flannel Girl," which I wrote for a certain bassist in our group a long, long time ago, before I knew that she was way too cool to date me." Having just been shoved into a vacant spot on the stage by Kyle, whom she'd been trying to hide behind, Holly raised a middle finger to Adam, who only laughed as his fingers deftly found the opening chords.

"Oh my god, that's Holly!" Sarah cried with a whoop, raising her arms over her head to cheer for her roommate.

"No it's not," Reid said flatly. "That girl's not Holly."

"Yeah it is," said Tyler. "I recognize her hair." And it was true, her wavy hair looked much as it had underwater, fanning around her in a dark cloud as she bent her face over her guitar. Reid raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. _There's no way that's her._

Anyone who knew the four friends onstage would find it funny, that each of them fit so well as they did. Adam was both the guitarist and the front man, fitting because his charisma was infectious, and he was the electricity upon which the other three thrived, bringing them together. Jeremy played the drums with as much enthusiasm as he lived his life, palpably effervescent. Kyle picked melodies with apparent effortlessness, the delicate of the four. Holly's bass playing was not unlike herself- subtle and yet the underlying driving force of any song, mostly unnoticed but entirely necessary, the notes coming easily to her. The only other things that spilled freely from her were words, poems and lyrics scribbled on pizza boxes and empty cigarette cartons with orange sharpies or brown eyeliners.

She found herself relaxing into the music as she and her friends fed off of the crowd's enthusiasm, and the tremors going down her arms grew steadily smaller. By the time Adam yelled "And this is our last one, kids, this one's called "Miss Mansfield," Holly found that she wanted to stay on the stage, to play for people. When Adam stepped back up to the mic after an ironic bow, she was surprised- even more so to hear the words that came from his mouth moments later.

"Now my friend Holly, here- come here Holly-" he grabbed her, snaking an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into the spotlight after him, "-my friend Holly happens to be a phenomenal singer, and I think it's only fair that we have Holly play a special song I know she used to love so much, because it's Holly's birthday in three days. Say Happy Eighteenth, Holly!" The crowd complied. "Don't you all want to hear Holly sing?" The roar was deafening, everyone in good spirits. Holly was shaking her head almost frantically, though as she turned to walk away she was met by Kyle, blocking her way with her acoustic guitar.

"I hate you all," she said with vehemence as Kyle, Adam and Jeremy forced her onto a stool before the mic. "You guys suck. Hugely. Huge sweaty balls." A few laughs rose from the crowd, having heard what she was saying, her voice now amplified. Ducking her head, Holly felt like a butterfly pinned to a tray in an exhibit.

"Now, Holly's gonna sing a little cover for you guys, and this song is called "Iris," cause this is the first song she taught me how to play on the guitar, back in our prepubescent days. Well, that's not why the song is called "Iris," but… whatever. You know what I mean. Go on Holly, give the nice people what they want." Shooting Adam a glare that would've frightened Medusa, Holly lifted her face to the mic. Really, what could she do?

She ran her fingers over the strings softly, fingers reaching for the chords that slipped, at first.

"Sorry," she whispered into the mic, her voice nearly shaking. She cleared her throat, looking at the guitar instead of the faces. _Okay. I can do this. Leaving now would be even more embarrassing. Okay. Okay. _Tentatively, haltingly, her fingers picked out the right notes on the guitar, playing the sweet melody slowly as her bandmates watched from the floor.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_Cause I know that you feel me somehow _

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be _

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life _

_Cause sooner or later it's over _

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

Her voice was quiet, slightly high and hesitant. The crowd was nearly silent as all faces turned to her- her worst nightmare only she might rather be naked than wearing the clothes she was in.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming _

_Or the moment of truth in your lies _

_When everything seems like the movies _

_Yeah you bleed just to know your alive_

"I didn't know she could sing," Sarah turned to Caleb, who's arm was around her shoulders. He nodded in agreement.

"I'm surprised her voice isn't damaged from almost drowning," Tyler whispered to Reid, who snorted. But he was surprised, a little bit. Surprised that this girl whose eyes could have been pretty if they weren't so inhibited had surprised him. And he watched, bemused.

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am_


	4. Fuck Forever

"No, thanks."

"What do you mean, no thanks? How can you not want to learn how to swim?" Holly's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly in irritation at the blond boy who'd stopped her in the lot behind Nicky's, when she'd been on her way to Adam's car after checking the bar to ensure that they'd picked up the last of their equipment.

"Water, you and I don't exactly have the best track record. Why would I want _you _to teach me how to swim?" _Valid point_, Reid thought to himself. Her voice was politely disinterested, but she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, wincing internally as she felt blisters rupture. The high heels of the boots propelled her from her natural 5'7" to somewhere around Reid's height, and she was able to look him in the eye as he hesitated at her question, trying to find the most convincing edge to his offer.

"Because I feel really bad about what happened last year, and I want to make it up to you." Reid know his voice and eyes rang with sincerity, and smirked behind his concerned mask as he gauged her reaction.

"Really, it's not necessary." Still polite. She glanced over her shoulder when she heard someone call her name; Jeremy was leaning out of the back of Adam's ancient VW van. "I should go," she spoke softly. She pointed over her shoulder in explanation and turned on a heel without waiting for his response, breaking into a limping jog as she neared the van. He watched her as she stepped forward to pull herself into the car, and Adam floored the gas, sending the van surging forward amid gales of laughter from it's male inhabitants. Kyle was rolling her eyes at them from the passenger's seat, lighting a clove as she examined her chipping purple nail polish. Holly crossed her arms over her chest, one hip jutting out, a boot toe tapping the ground. She so resembled the appearance of Reid's own mother when he was doing something irritating that he almost laughed. They beckoned to her from inside, but she made no move forward.

He watched still as the drummer from earlier clambered clumsily from the back door and walked up to Holly, knocking an arm roughly around her shoulders and pulling her towards the open sliding door. She walked awkwardly, body bent as her head was caught under the crook of his arm.

"Fuck," Reid murmured as the beige van sped out of the lot, pulling a cigarette from his pocket. He pressed 2 on his speed dial, 1 being his own voicemail, and addressed the person without greeting. "Let's get out of here. This place blows tonight."

--

"Miss Donnelly?" Holly bit back a yawn as she glanced up at Miss Park, her chemistry teacher. "Might I suggest looking into hiring a tutor? You need this course to graduate." Miss Park spoke quietly, yet the brown haired girl could feel her cheeks flush as eyes flicked towards her from the surrounding tables. Miss Park caught her blush, and laid a hand on Holly's shoulder. "See me after class."

Groaning internally, Holly laid her forehead on her notebook. _Fuck_.


	5. She Blinded Me With Science

"But-"

"Holly, I understand that you may have some difficulty affording a private chemistry tutor, but there are student tutoring services available. Come to the Student Resources Center tomorrow afternoon, and student tutors are available from four to eight. A teacher will pair you with a tutor who can work within a flexible fee schedule. I'd be happy to speak privately with anyone, if you-"

"It's fine, really. Thank you."

"I'm one of the teachers who works with the tutoring students, and I'll see you there tomorrow." Ms. Park was firm about this. "I know chemistry holds little interest to you, Holly, but really. You failed your junior year physics class, and you need at least three full years of lab science credits to graduate. I am making this mandatory for you, Holly. I know you've been interested in applying to Vassar, and with your SAT scores and English recommendations I don't doubt that that would be well suited for you. So get the tutoring, graduate high school, and you'll never have to see another table of elements again. Alright?" Already thumbing through a stack of papers, Holly could tell this was Ms. Parks' dismissal.

Her frown deepened outside of the classroom, when she was met by a blond boy.

"Hey Holly, want me to walk you to your next class?" Her eyes flicked to him nearly incredulously, her ears flushing hot as she heard whispers around them. Her lips tightened.

"I'm actually fine, thanks." As if he hadn't heard her, Reid fell into step on her left, not noticing- or choosing to ignore- the way the crowd parted with whispers and lingering glances.

"Alright, look, Holly," Reid slipped in front of the girl, bringing her to a halt. "Let's be honest here. I know you like me, and it's cool. You could be totally hot if you wore better clothes, or something. Think of swimming lessons as like, dates, or something." Reid knew he was reaching here, and thought about slinking off to find someone to wedge him into a locker where he could rot, safely preserved from the infinitesimal narrowing of her eyes, and the unnerving look of suppressed anger in them. The girl raised one eyebrow, the corner of her mouth twitching up and then down. "OK so maybe your clothes are fine." He felt an inexplicable urge to avoid making her unhappy.

"You're awfully… enamored of yourself."

"But surely."

"You'd choose the pills over the phone huh?"

"Hey there John Doe, now that's not nice. I'm not vain," here even he had to smirk, "and besides, I'd still have my wit and dashing charm. Chicks dig noseless guys. I'd start a new thing." He pivoted to the side and allowed her to pass him before walking again with her. She cast a sideways glance at him, appraising.

"Se7en fan?"

"Morgan Freeman fan. You?"

"Kevin Spacey fan." Reid snorted.

"How can you be a Kevin Spacey fan? That guy is like… Creepy on a stick. I mean, even his _voice_… And the fingers…. Ugh." Reid shook himself as if ridding his mind of something. Holly suppressed a smile.

"Do I sense childhood nightmares?"

"Of an obscenely powerful nature." Holly laughed then, a surprising trill.

"I was petrified of the boogeyman after I watched Don't Look Under the Bed on the Disney channel. They said the only way you were safe was if you slept with the covers over your head, and I used to wake up in the morning in fifth grade and let the alarm ring itself out because I was too scared to come out- I thought the boogeyman would grab my hand and drag me into Boogeyland, or something. I watched Poltergeist at a slumber party when I was eight, and I swear that's when my insomnia set in."

"You're one of those creepy insomniacs, too?"

"Oh, not anymore. Now I have a serious sleeping pill habit."

"Whatever works. Hey- this is my class," he gestured with a tattooed hand to the room number (316) above an open door. "But thanks for walking me." He smirked. Holly turned to leave, and she swore she heard him whisper _You know you can't get enough of me_. She shook her head, and quickened her pace. What the fuck…

--

"Miss Donnelly!" Ms. Park seemed surprised that Holly had come to tutoring… Like she hadn't been ordered to. "I've found just the tutor for you, an AP chemistry student… His name is Caleb Danvers." Holly suppressed a shudder as Ms. Park herded her to a small table under a window. She'd had a hard time looking Caleb in the eye since the mouth to mouth incident, especially after cutting fourth period today and walking in on he and Sarah in a rather compromising position. Needless to say, Holly would not be going barefoot in their room again. She would wear socks to the shower.

"Holly?" Holly looked up from the notebook she'd been writing in to see Caleb grinning rather uncomfortably down at her, scratching the back of his neck.

"Unfortunately, yes." Caleb grinned at her, and she looked down again. "Look, I don't think this is gonna work. No offense, or anything-" she wanted him to stop looking concerned "-but I can't afford a tutor. I mean, I'll figure it out eventually. My brother just started here this year, and my parents can't pay for anything more than what they already do with two tuition bills. So thanks anyways." She rose, gathering her books and papers quickly and stuffing the into her worn leather bag. She didn't notice the look on Caleb's face as it changed from thoughtful to almost… triumphant.

"Look, we can work out some kind of… non-monetary payment." Holly met his gaze warily. _This can mean nothing good…_


	6. Both Hands

"All you have to do to get free tutoring from Caleb is let me give you swim lessons… Hey, wait!" Reid grabbed the girl's hand as she turned to shut the door of her room, but held it curiously, turning the olive-skinned hand palm-side up between his larger ones. She gave him a look generally reserved for the kind of possibly deranged homeless people that follow you into dark alleys. "Your hands are really rough." Which wasn't entirely true, he decided, as he inspected her smooth palms and the fingers that didn't become callused until they reached the tips. "Are you a lesbian?" He smirked. "Cause that would explain a lot." A sound wrenched from the girl, somewhere between a squawk and a snort.

"If all boys were like you I'm sure I would be, but as of now I can't say I am."

"What's up with these, then?" He shook her hand slightly in his, as if she needed reminding of what they'd been talking about.

"I play the guitar, sometimes."

"A guitar from the dark ages. It looks like you play with steel strings." She frowned, brows furrowing slightly, eyes unreadable.

"I do." Reid's eyes flicked back to her fingertips in surprise, and he lifted them into the light of the hallway. The calluses on her left hand fingers were thick, and whitish against the pink of her hand. The pad of her ring finger had cracked, and been filled with what looked like superglue.

"Are you a masochist?"

"I must be, if I'm willingly subjecting myself to this conversation." Reid lifted her hand quickly, and before she reacted he kissed the glued finger and dropped her hand.

"All better?" He asked before turning and walking down the hallway. Holly stood in her doorway for some time, eyebrows knit in confusion as she cradled her left hand against her chest.


	7. Voodoo Child

"How do you know this will work?" Reid's voice struck a balance somewhere between a whine and a grumble.

"Because," replied Caleb rather smugly, "_I _do my research." He withdrew a folder from his jacket, and slid one paper up slightly to reveal a name. _Holly Golightly Donnelly._

"You snaked her file?? Caleb, I thought you were above such rulebreaking. Oh, I feel so proud!" Reid's mocking tone was laced with glee as his curiosity overpowered his former testiness.

"You know we need you on the team. Drastic times call for drastic measures." Caleb was serious, which only broadened the smirk on Reid's face.

"I do believe I'm finally rubbing off on you, Mr. Danvers." Reid scanned the paper in Caleb's hand. "Wait. Golightly? What's a Golightly??"

"Have you never seen Breakfast at Tiffany's?"

"Have you never come out of the closet? The only thing I know about Breakfast At Tiffany's is that I think I remember the film, and, as I recall I think we both kind of liked it…" Reid sang the last words, lyrics to some awful nineties song. Caleb whacked him with Holly's file.

"You're really ridiculously repulsive sometimes." Caleb's voice was deadpan, a sure sign that he was hiding amusement.

"He is, isn't he?" This voice came from the open doorway they'd been approaching.

"What are you, the bionic _ear_?" Reid's voice jumped an octave in surprise as his eyes met the cool green ones of the girl they'd just been discussing.

"Something like that." Holly ducked her head to hide a smirk, hair falling over her face and rippling along the length of her upper arms. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor of her room, her back resting against her bed. Sarah sat opposite her, with a look of curiosity and possibly anticipation on her face. Between them lay a deck of battered round cards, nestled in a silk handkerchief.

"Are we interrupting a séance, or something?" Caleb poked Sarah teasingly as he sat beside her, his long legs filling more space than Holly would've thought possibly for one person.

"Holly's going to read my cards- like, tarot." Reid snorted. Holly's eyes flicked to him quickly, although they were on the cards when she spoke again.

"I would've thought you and your friends of all people would be more… accepting, Reid." Her tone was mocking. Caleb and Reid's eyes met, a flash of barely-disguised panic.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean." She met his eyes evenly.

"Oh, nothing. You and your friends are all different, is all. From each other. I would have thought you'd give things a chance." Caleb twitched his head up, then down at Reid, and they relaxed. Sarah glanced from her roommate to her boyfriend for a moment, before opening her mouth.

"So, aren't you going to give me a reading, or whatever you do with those?"

"Not a full one. Here," she held out the cards to the blond girl. "Take them."

"What am I supposed to do?" Holly nearly laughed at the hint of anxiety in Sarah's voice.

"Just shuffle them. You'll pick one. Just think about it, and pick one. Think about yourself, and… your purpose of being, something like that." Sarah's eyelids fluttered shut, and her face was solemn as her hands mixed cards with purpose. Holly's eyes were intent on the other girl, and Reid and Caleb found themselves fascinated by the air of intensity that was almost palpable. Sarah's hands grew quicker, as though they were searching for something they knew lay in one of the cards. Steadily, she withdrew one between her thumb and forefinger, and handed it to Holly, who turned it face-up. After a moment, she glanced at Sarah, then back at the card, a crooked smile twisting her uneven mouth.

"The Daughter of Wands."

"Is that good?" Sarah asked at the same time Caleb spoke "There are daughters?"

"It's not good or bad," Holly replied to Sarah, and she turned her gaze to Caleb's face. "This is a Motherpeace deck. It's not the same as the original. There are others added. The Daughter of Wands-" she handed the card to Sarah, who cradled it in both hands "-is the free spirit that is supposed to exist in everyone. The Daughter is fiery, and uninhibited. It's a female card, and it's joyful and self-expressive. She's supposed to be the symbol of Spring, and she's drawn as Persephone coming from the cave of the underworld. That's a good thing," Holly said as Sarah's eyes looked troubled. She took everything so literally. "She represents life, youth and energy- a white unicorn. Wisdom." Sarah glanced at Caleb, who was smirking.

"So that sounds about accurate," he drawled lazily.

"Care to choose one?" Holly's eyes were on his, and he surprised her when he accepted the cards from Sarah. They appeared small within his large hands, though he touched them delicately. He chose his quickly, taking much less time than Sarah had. He was decisive when he flipped it face-up on the carpet.

"Shaman of Wands," Holly said. "This is male power. The person who draws the Shaman of Wands is powerful, and people look to them-him- as a leader." Holly studied Caleb's face for a moment, and he found himself feeling slightly uncomfortable. "You handle complex situations extremely well. You appreciate the feminine," she tapped the round basket to the left of the man in the card, and Reid snorted. Sarah glared at him. "You're a ruler. This is personal power; force, and healing." She handed him the card again, and he slipped it into the deck with Sarah's. "You're both wands…" Holly mused aloud, and Caleb and Sarah exchanged warm glances.

"Go for it," he said to Reid and handed him the cards. Reid held them with an incredulous look.

"You are all so fucked up," he said to the room in general as his fingers tapped the cards anxiously. He dropped the cards onto the floor in front of Holly; only one landed face-up. A lightning-struck tower. Holly smirked again as she traced the edge of the card that drew four pairs of eyes. "So… What's it mean?" Reid's voice was awkward to his own ears.

"Oh, you'll see. I thought you didn't believe in tarot cards, Reid?" She was mocking him, and he felt his cheeks flush with irritation.

"I don't, Holly Golightly." Her face blanched, red spots blooming in the olive cheeks that had gone pale a moment before.

"What?"

"That's your name, isn't it? I mean, Caleb- wasn't that what you said her name was? Should we check? You have her file, after all."

Sarah flinched as Holly's furious eyes moved from Caleb to Reid and back again with almost predatory deliberateness. She stood silently, and moved towards the door.

"Holly," Sarah called to her, desperate to get the girl to stay. The dark head turned, and waited expectantly. "Um… what's your card?" Holly turned on her heels to meet the girls eyes.

"Mine?" Sarah nodded encouragingly. "I draw the Fool." And she was gone.


	8. School Night

"You are _such _an asshat!" Caleb whacked Reid on the arm. "What part of _stealth_ is so incomprehensible to you?? We need you back on the team if we're gonna beat West Lake."

"Come on, dude. It was irresistible. I don't know how I lasted that long. Golightly…. Come on."

"I think it's kind of cool." Sarah shrugged. "Don't know why she would get mad about it."

"I think it was more the fact that Reid so delightfully announced to the class that we snooped through her file," Caleb responded tightly. "She doesn't strike me as someone who would really have appreciated us invading her privacy."

"Alright. Time for Plan B." Reid's tone was sure, more sure of himself than he felt.

"And that would be?" Sarah's tone was skeptical.

"Get her to fall madly in love with me."

"HAH!" Sarah snorted with laughter, water dribbling from her nose. "You're going to get Holly- _this Holly_-" she floated a magazine in front of his face "-to like you. Right. She's not your type."

"She has two legs, two arms, two boobs and a vagina. How could she not be my type?" Sarah plopped the magazine into his lap. "Ink?" Reid questioned. A red nail tapped a small picture, just inside the front cover.

_Up and Comers!_ A photo of Holly was studying him, glossy in print with her ink-stained fingers and her freckled eyes. _Page 72: Holly Donnelly, seventeen-year-old native of Ipswich, Massachusetts. _He flipped through the pages, licking his index finger and using it to turn them one at a time.

_The daughter of high school art teachers, Holly Golightly Donnelly was left with little choice but to inherit the creativity and unique perspective-as well as the affinity for classic cinema- of both her parents and her iconic namesake… Blah… Blah… Blah… Sets herself apart from her fellow poets with ambiguous themes and tongue in cheek titles… Blah diddy blah blah blah…_

Flipping to the page 72, Reid skimmed the page with quick eyes until he found what he was looking for. The first poem.

----

_lullaby for the taken (big veins, dollface, they make it all better):_

_-maybe it was because no one ever called her_

_beautiful (james brown Blue eyes did- he was just oh so_

_e.n.t.r.a.n.c.e.d. by the curves of her mouth and the contradictions they splashed like her gin on his new carpet) but when he_

_says We'll be quiet she doesn't pull back_

_when his coldskinny_

_fingertips lift the skirt she bought with her_

_mother she doesn't pull back from the leather seams_

_on the leather couch in the anonymous basement that bite her back like_

_baby's teeth._

_she can't help but wonder, really, whether it would have had teeth by now_

_(April 27th, 2006)-_

_When she whispers Call me murderer, i WANT it-_

_--_

_--_

_--_

_he doesn't shiver._

_----_

_When asked if this poem is at all rooted in personal experience, Holly avoids the question and quickly launches into a speech about her desire to examine guilt in writing. However indefinite the exact meaning of her words may be, the feeling is clear._

_----_

_what I like to call singular:_

_She wears her scars to cocktail parties like purple hearts for_

_Mr._

_george_

_W._

_it's really in the way that when he looks at her she wants to lie._

_You've seen some unbelievable things, he says,_

_not giving a fuck, But I just like your eyes._

_I'm Bette Davis (it's almost a whisper) can I call you Errol Flynn?_

_Bette, Bette, Bette, he says,_

_You should know better by now. I only have one name and it's much more fun_

_(i'll give you a hint, Bette: it's Asphyxiation)_

_they dance pretty as beauty and the beast in their ballroom, the hanged man and his_

_brand/new/fool._

_----_

Reid thought of the Fool, pictured the round card held between two of Holly's slim, battered fingertips.

_Her final poem is a different style than the others, and when asked why, Holly laughs quietly. "It's a love poem."_

_----_

_american graffiti:_

_Fuck you and your Vegas legs, he tells her (his fingernails scrape them. he only wishes he could mean it.)_

_Fuck you and your raggedy ann fingertips- her voice is savage (they are just. like. mine.) fuck the ribbons on your wrists and those flutes you call fingers (they play hummingbird songs and from the back her ribs could be wings. she doesn't like the music they make with her, and she debates the consequence of forever from her rooftop.)_

_Your eyes are only open when your gums bleed. (he tells her it can't be denied)_

_You only own your convictions when they're shower steam fingerprints on the mirror. you only like things (me) when you can kiss them clean and say it never was._

_You think you're Mary Tyler Moore in those pumps. You're little girl lost smoking cigarettes for a.d.d.i.c.t.i.o.n._

_I know I'm not human but aren't I fun?_

_-and baby can't bring herself to just _

_say no._

_----_

"What crawled up her ass and died?" Reid crooked one eyebrow at Caleb, who only rolled his eyes.

"Hmm. Maybe it's called creativity, or talent. Whichever you prefer." Sarah sounded surprisingly annoyed.

"Is this that girl you kept talking about over summer?" Understanding dawned behind Reid's blue eyes. "Jesus. I can't escape her."

"Just ask her," Caleb put in. "Ask her for a favor, or offer to do something for her in return. If you tell her why you have this creepy desire to teach her to swim, she might actually do it for you." Reid grumbled incoherently under his breath, flopping sideways onto the carpet, propped up by his elbow.

"I think I know where she is." Reid cocked an eyebrow at Sarah, disbelieving.

"Oh yeah?" Reid's voice was flat. Sarah nodded.

"Yeah."

--

_Fuck. _Reid was wheezing up the fourth flight of stairs, onto the wing of the building that held the music rooms. _Must quit smoking. Must start exercising. _He paused at the top of the stairs, leaning against a wall as he caught his breath. He listened for music, but heard nothing from where he was. Swearing under his breath- if he'd come all the way up here for _nothing_- he walked silently down the hallway. Halfway down the corridor, Reid froze. He heard faintly-from behind the blue door to his left- hesitant, lilting chords being plucked on an acoustic guitar. They grew more firm, and he heard a voice he recognized as Holly's rise above the music.

_She went over to his apartment, clutching her decision,_

_And he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?_

_So she built a skyscraper of procrastination, and then she leaned out the 25th floor_

_Window of her reply_

_And she felt like an actress just reading her lines, when she_

_Finally said Yes, it's really goodbye this time_

_& far below was the blacktop & the tiny toy cars_

_& it all fell so fast_

_& it all fell so far_

_And she said:_

_You are a miracle but that is not all, you are also a stiff drink and I am on call._

_You are a party and I am a school night, and I'm looking_

_For my door key_

_But you are my porch light._

_And you'll never know, dear_

_Just how much I loved you_

_You'll probably think this was_

_Just my big excuse_

_But I stand committed_

_To a love that came before you_

_And the fact that I adore you_

_Is but one of my truths-_

"What are the rest of them, then?" Holly nearly levitated out of her chair, catching the guitar just in time to save it from a harsh fall. She'd yelped, and her eyes were narrowed in fear-and fright- as they took in the blond boy who'd spoken after soundlessly entering the room.

"What?"

"You said it was just one of your truths. I want to know the rest."

"You'll have to ask the woman who wrote the song, then."

"You."

"No. Ani Difranco. And she's gay- so you might as well not bother." Reid stepped over a music stand and picked his way down the stairs to sit at the piano bench.

"What makes you think everything's about sex?" Reid managed, somehow, to say this with a straight face.

"Sorry Tyler, I thought I was talking to Reid."

"Hah. Hah." Reid picked the beginnings of "Heart and Soul" out on the piano using only one finger. Holly rose, and joined him at the grand piano. She placed one hand on the keys, and began the low, melodic second part of the duet. After several minutes, she stopped, and surveyed him instead.

"You know, I like you much better when you don't talk."

"Aw, Baby, that's sweet and all, but I have to ask you something." Holly raised an eyebrow. She wasn't going to make this easy for him. "Well, you see, I sort of need a favor…"


	9. Interview With a Vampire

"Okay." Reid coughed, choking on his own spit.

"Okay?? Seriously? Yes! YES!" Had he been a soccer player he would have ripped his shirt off and run laps around the room a la David Beckham. Victory was his!

"You could've just told me why you wanted to do this. I might've just said yes. I like flattery and groveling as well as the next girl. There are conditions, though." Reid froze mid victory air guitar, and sighed.

"I knew it was too good to be true."

"Giving up so quickly, Mr. Garwin? I thought you were more desperate than that."

"Not at all," Reid recovered quickly. "I just had already guessed you were the sadistic type."

"Mmm. More masochistic actually. But seriously. You teach me to swim, I'll teach you how to be an interesting human being."

"I take offense to that, Miss Golightly." Reid's chest swelled with mock indignation, and Holly elbowed him just below the ribs. "Bitch," he whined. "What does that even mean?"

"Meet me in the video production lab at four o'clock tomorrow and you'll find out."

--

"So… why are we lurking in the VP lab?" Reid found himself whispering behind the Video Production Students Only door as Holly ducked beneath overhanging wires and disappeared into the supply closet at the room's rear. He hesitated, looking around the room, when Holly ducked her head back around the corner with a subtle expression Reid had quickly learned to recognize was annoyance, or possibly impatience.

"Are you coming, or are you going to wait for Ms. Devereux to find you?" Shuddering at the thought of the tyrant- er, teacher- in charge of the school's weekly video bulletin, Reid crossed the room quickly and lurched around Holly, allowing her to shut the closet's door. Only once the door was safely locked behind them did he turn and survey the room they were in. It was a small cupboard of sorts, the ceiling only six inches or so above his own head. Holly was fiddling with the dials and knobs of a video camera standing on a tripod, in front of a large green armchair. She glanced up, hair falling around her face like a curtain and hanging softly against her elbows, and motioned for him to sit in the chair. Uncomfortably he did so, pinching the cuticles of his left hand with his right as he waited.

"What's your favorite color? Top three, in order." Reid raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "Well?" Her eyes were doing that narrowing thing again.

"Black, silver, blue. Why?"

"Sorry, is this your lesson? I didn't think so. What's your greatest fear?" Reid slouched in his chair, generally displeased with the turn this encounter was taking.

"Isn't this a bit personal?"

"Did I ever say it wouldn't be?" Still the boy cocked his head to the side, debating whether or not to respond. "Look. This goes nowhere. No one will see it but me."

"Why do you need it?"

"I told you, I'm going to teach you to become a human being." Rolling his eyes, Reid ran a hand through his hair. It didn't appear that he had a choice.

"Performing." Holly's face in its entirety appeared from behind the camera, a practiced look of neutrality masking her features.

"Wouldn't you consider yourself a class clown? Someone who likes attention? Isn't that a performance?"

"Not for things I might fail at." Nodding once, Holly ducked back again.

"What's your favorite movie?"

"This Is England."

"Interesting… How very…"

"Very what?" Reid was testy, defensive in the face of what he was beginning to think might be the second coming of the Spanish Inquisition.

"Nevermind. Favorite band?"

"Bloc Party."

"Any siblings?"

"No."

"Who's your best friend?" Reid snorted. Holly raised an eyebrow at him and he gave her a look, knowing the answer was obvious.

"….Tyler."

"What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

"Coffee."

"How tall are you?"

"5'11". What do these questions have to do with anything."

"Well, all of these questions have to do with _something_, but for this… some are relevant. Some aren't. If you could have any magic ability what would it be?" Reid smirked; Holly noted it with some personal satisfaction. _That's what I thought…_

"Flight."

"Favorite book?"

"Ham on Rye."

"Number?"

"Four."

"Animal?"

"Wolf."

"Actress?"

"Kate Winslet." Holly raised an eyebrow behind the camera lens. "What? I see you smirking, Holly."

"Wouldn't have figured her for your type."

"Like I said, Holly, not everything's about sex." He smirked, and she enjoyed the patronizing tone in his voice for a moment- it felt like the normal Reid. Although normal Reid never called her by her name, so often.

"Just most things, right? Does the fact that she's naked in almost all of her movies have anything to do with it?" His smirk grew wider.

"No."

"Liar."

"If I said yes or no how would you know I wasn't lying?"

"How do you know I care if you're lying or not?" He didn't answer, as she had suspected he wouldn't. "Favorite actor?"

"Philip Seymour Hoffman."

"Favorite food?"

"Fish." He bit his lip provocatively after speaking, his boredom leading to what Holly knew was an attempt to provoke her. _Pervert._

"Least favorite food?"

"Tomatoes."

"Least favorite color?"

"Yellow."

"Why?"

"Too bright. Annoying as fuck."

"Pet peeve?" Reid actually thought about this one.

"Apparently pointless activities left unexplained. Girls who are hard to read. Girls who sing when they think no one is listening. Bossy, irritating people who never show what they're thinking, and you know it's just because-" Here he sat back, breaking off his statement. Chewing on her lip from behind the safety of the large black camera, Holly brought a finger to her mouth quickly, ignoring the blood that bloomed at her torn cuticle when she returned the hand to her lap.

"I think we're done for today, Reid."

"I don't." Reid looked delighted at a chance to turn the tables on his interviewer. "Meet me at the pool tonight. Seven o'clock. Come in a swim suit."


	10. Swan Dive

"What did he mean, a swim suit? I don't own a swim suit! How was I supposed to know I would need a swim suit? Kyle's out with Jer and I don't have a key to her room so I can't borrow her old swim team one, but I'm not going without one, and-"

"Holly. Breathe. In. And out. And in. And out." Sarah was gripping Holly's shoulders and shaking her playfully, a grin flitting across her ruddy mouth. "It's Reid, you should've known he'd want to see your boobs. And it's swimming….which involves swim suits. You can borrow one of my bikinis. You're a little taller, but we're probably close to the same size." As if this prospect would cheer the dark haired girl up, Sarah began rifling through the second-to-last drawer of her dresser, pulling out several nylon-y looking and very, very small articles of clothing. "Here, these are probably the biggest." She tossed a brown triangle-top to Holly, and a pair of orange side-tie bottoms.

"Why… are there so many strings?"

"Cause you can loosen them so they fit you, the other ones would probably be way too skimpy." Holly grabbed the mismatching swim suit in a bunch, straggling into the showerless bathroom and shutting the door with a huff. Sarah fought back a giggle as she heard muffled _shit_s and _are you fucking kidding me_s coming through the closed door, accompanied by bumps and thuds that did not sound comfortable. The door to the bathroom swung open to reveal Holly standing, one hip jutting out, arms crossed over her chest.

"I need a one-piece." Sarah went to the girl and pried her arms away from the top, forcing her to turn as she surveyed her.

"Holly, you look _hot_. You look great. Just wear it."

"Sarah. I am very nearly wearing pasties with strings and some orange dental floss for a bikini. This is not hot."

"Oh, look what time it is! You're late!" Sarah shoved a towel at the girl and forced her out of the room, grinning to herself. "The pool's across from the main building!" She called cheerily through the door, snickering as she heard Holly letting her know her just what she could do to herself with her hair straightener.

--

Reid found Holly already at the pool when he slipped out of the locker rooms, unselfconsciously bouncing on the diving board. He paused for a moment, enjoying watching her with her defenses down; enjoying the long shape of her body: longish, tapered neck gracefully arching out into shoulders which gave way to wiry arms which currently sandwiched a chest that he was delighted to notice was quite scantily clad. Her ribcage thinned gracefully inwards, following streamlined curves through her hips and legs. The orange bikini bottoms were unfortunate against her rather average fog-dweller's skin, although the brown top he could definitely appreciate. Reid decided that he liked the way her bangs looked, fluttering in front of her eyes, and remembered that he had overheard her trying to persuade that friend of hers- the blonde that dressed like a missing member of the Mod Squad- to cut them for her. But he liked them the way they were, a little bit unruly, too long, beautiful in an accidental way. He was surprised to realize that she was- beautiful. How had he never noticed before?

But then she went rigid when she heard him shift behind her, and her eyes- doe eyes, so large when she wasn't frowning- narrowed once more in embarrassment at being caught unawares. She didn't strike him as someone who liked being seen with her defenses down. He hated girls who were hard to figure out…

"You're beautiful." The words were out before he realized he'd opened his mouth, and Holly's mouth formed a perfect O as she lost her footing on the diving board, landing from a jump. He watched her fall in slow motion off of the left side of the board, and it was a moment's more shock before he raced for the pool, diving without hesitation. He circled pale arms around the girl, noting with interest that he registered the smoothness of her skin and the fluidity of her body against his in this moment, as he was holding her head up and treading water, making his way towards the side of the pool. He didn't let go of her until she had both hands firmly grasping the lip of the pool, and he had to stop himself from smirking at the wet-cat pissed off look on her face.

"Fuck you, Reid." Her voice crackled with some kind of electric current.

"Don't you mean thank you?"

"No." She gave him a look clearly illustrating that she would like very much to prod his eyeballs with something, preferably something sharp and white hot, and began to move slowly, hand over hand, towards the shallow end of the pool. "This was a stupid idea. I should go- no, _seriously _Reid." She was pulling away from the hand that held her shoulder in place, trying to keep her from leaving. Reid could stand by now, and he pulled the girl off of the wall, holding her still.

"So am I. I'm going to teach you how to swim, _seriously_," he grinned, mocking her, but his face became serious when he saw hers- she was biting her bottom lip fiercely, fighting to keep from crying. "What's wrong, Holly?" She turned her face from his.

"Nothing." He released one shoulder to pull her chin up to parallel his. Her eyes darted left and right before finally meeting his; resigned. "Everything. You. Me. This. That. Chemistry. Interviews. Near death by drowning. Writer's block. Performing anxiety."

"You know what I like about swimming?" Reid's voice was quiet, almost lazy, but Holly fixed her eyes on his almost hungrily as she shook her head. "It makes everything go away. At least for a little bit. You just float. And everything's okay." Holly leaned back slightly, taking in his face in it's entirety. Reid moved both hands down her waist and she shimmied out of his grip. "Come on Holly." She didn't pull away when his hands slid into the groove of her hips, just beneath her bellybutton. He lifted her- feather light in the water- and tried to ease her into a reclining position. She immediately stiffened. "Come on, Holls. Lay back. You'll float." Still she remained rigidly motionless, not even registering the nickname only her friends called her coming from his lips. "I won't let go." She relaxed, infinitesimally. "Trust me."

The bad thing was, she later decided, _she did_.


	11. Loom

In the words of Holly's favorite cousin who lived in Venice, California, there was Los Angeles Snow in Ipswich. Ash fell like snowflakes, thick and airy, and the sky was tinted a ruddy brown. There was a fire behind the mountains, and students were scurrying from class to class with hands covering their hair. Reid and Tyler were currently engaged in a heated debate of the superiority of Kate Beckinsale as a vampire over Jessica Beal as a vampire hunter when Reid happened to look up at the dormitories. Sitting on the overhang of the roof of the first floor was a very familiar girl wearing an oversized pair of purple Jackie O glasses, leaning against the wall of the second story, which was narrower than the first. Her legs were stretched straight in front of her, and he could see from across the quad that the vans she wore were duct taped together. There was ash clustered in the dark hair that seemed almost to float around her arms, but she appeared spellbound by the falling flakes, proof of the destruction so close to them.

Smiling internally, he remembered their conversation from the day before, one of their video room meetings that had grown more and more frequent as the weeks passed. She'd told him about the time her father had driven her into the mountains when she was a kid because she'd wanted to feel the inside of the low-hanging clouds that so frequently cushioned the mountains' summits. She'd cried the entire way home, because she had thought clouds felt like cotton puffs, and couldn't understand why she couldn't feel them. They were talking more and more, Holly contributing more from behind the camera than she had at first. Reid found himself sharing things with her that he couldn't even tell Tyler, like the time he brought home a baby bird that had fallen out of the giant oak tree in his front yard the summer he turned eleven. He'd named it, and cried harder than he liked to remember when the tiny thing, barely able to hold it's head up, had refused food and died that night while he slept. He had tried so hard to save it. It was then, that next morning, that Reid faced the conclusion that he was much better at hurting things than helping them. He should never be allowed around such delicate creatures as baby birds, and girls like Holly. He remembered her hand, yesterday, reaching out to rest on his when he mentioned that theory (of course leaving out his inclusion of her in the category of such delicate things), her fingertips tracing the veins on the underside of his wrist and leaving behind what felt like stinging electric shocks wherever she touched.

"Dude, isn't that the weird chick you're giving swimming lessons?" Tyler's voice snapped Reid out of his momentary reverie.

"What?"

"On the roof."

"Oh… yeah, I think. I'm not sure." He had the perverse desire to join her up there, let the shingles burn the backs of his knees with hers. They were nearly under the roof now, almost protected from the ash. Reid grinned abruptly, an ominous look that his friends usually identified with his… less rational schemes. Glancing side to side and finding no one near them, he sprang forward in what looked almost like a volleyball spike, but he jumped far higher than would've been possible, high enough to latch his hands to the storm drain of the roof that was inches from a pair of faded navy vans. Holly jumped at the sight of the pair of hands- white pale- and crouched forward on her hands and knees. Reid was pulling himself up into a chin-up position apparently effortlessly, wearing a pair of sunglasses so dark they hid his eyes.

"What the f-"

"Language now, Miss Holly. What are you listening to?" She looked incredulously from the iPod in her lap to the boy hanging impossibly from the edge of the roof to the iPod again.

"Loom." Her raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"Lesbian music?"

"If that's how you so narrow-mindedly choose to define it. Ani DiFranco is bisexual, actually."

"Ohh, well, now that you put it that way…" He pulled himself forward still higher, until his arms were straight and she could see most of his torso. His legs seemed almost to leap up of their own accord, and far below she could hear the cries of a boy- most likely Tyler.

"What the fuck man?"

"Don't worry about it Ty. Got some things to take care of." He crawled forward and turned, his back now to the wall next to Holly's. Wordlessly she extended a hand bearing the left earphone of her iPod, and they listened in silence as the ash cascaded around them. They looked nearly timeless there- eyes covered and hair ashy; surveying the damage the fire left around them with smiles as the smoke-covered sun washed them out red.

_you've always got those dark sunglasses _

_covering up your face _

_but if you promise to take them off _

_i promise i won't squander your gaze _

_i will be picturesque, i will be nice _

_i won't do anything you can't tell your wife _

_i will think before i act i will think twice _

_just let me see your eyes_

_each time we spoke you put in a token- ran the tilt-a-whirl _

_when i was giggling and dizzy flirting like a 12 year old girl _

_the carnival of you and me was coming to town _

_watch how we spin and stop and then fall down _

_now we just say hello and head for firmer ground_

_you are the one-way glass that watches me _

_standing in line at the bank _

_i always looked into your glasses like a cat looks into a fish tank _

_but all i could ever see was the specter of me reflected _

_i'm on a monument of friendship that we never had erected _

_i wanted to take up lots of room i wanted to loom_

_you always got those dark sunglasses between us when we talk _

_after the party is over if you wanna take a walk _

_we could just look around, not do nothing wrong _

_just try to be at least as brave as our songs _

_i will bring my heart, i will bring my face _

_you just name the time and place_

_--_

Holly pointed up with one bony finger- the nail polish on it was chipped and orange, and the braided silver ring looked too large for her index finger.

"The sky is bleeding."

And don't tell anybody, but when Reid turned quickly- against his better judgment- and brought his lips hard to hers their teeth crashed and she bit his bottom lip.


	12. Basic Space

When she pulled him through the window of her best friend's second story empty bedroom, Reid bit his own lip, and when Holly pulled her shirt over her head and stood disheveled and covered in flakes of ash like a snow angel he couldn't stop the hands that rose to cup her sharp cheekbones and the kisses he let hover over her eyelids. He kissed the crooked black Sharpie heart drawn on the back of her left hand- was it her heart, or his own? 

He kissed the lone freckle in the hollow above her collarbone where she smelled especially like tangerines and her own deep midnight smell. He licked the bitter taste of Carmex from the shadow beneath her full lower lip and smirked when she moaned into his mouth- _Reid_. He wanted more of the taste of her tongue, of that soft murky sweetness. Her mouth was soft, softer than he would have believed possible and the tentative, careful way she kissed his lips, one at a time, with butterfly-wing flutters of her tongue made him feel inconceivably delicate. He'd never been kissed like something precious before. He enjoyed it more than he let himself think about, and something swelled inside of him- a warm rush of unfamiliar emotion, close to tenderness.

Her hair was all tangles from the wind outside and its knots held his hands close to the back of her neck just where he wanted them. When he walked her backwards so that the backs of her knees hit the bed frame and buckled, pitching her down onto her back she yelped and he wanted to hear the sound- ripped from her throat- again and again. He wanted the yellowy depths of her mossy green eyes, he wanted the preciousness of her exposed clavicle, and he wanted whatever secrets the velvet of her inner arms might hold for him. He found the clasp of her bra deftly and undid it with one hand- she didn't raise an eyebrow at the ease with which he managed it.

He let her ragged fingernails yank his shirt over his head and leave uneven scratches on his back. He heard the iPod's keening music rise from where it had been discarded on the floor, the singer's voice sexy, and hypnotic.

Reid stood, and took a torturous step back from where Holly rested, half-propped on her elbows on what he didn't know were Kyle's dark purple bedsheets. He swallowed convulsively, taking the time finally to take a breath and study the pale, tawny-eyed girl in front of him. Her dark hair was wild around her face and shoulders, making her look, if possible, more delicate than usual when all he saw were huge, eyelined almond eyes above sharp cheekbones and the mouth he was almost proud to note had been left swollen by his kisses. Her shoulders seemed impossibly small, her somewhat bony arms oddly childlike against the breasts they framed, a great deal less childlike. With a low moan Reid let himself fall against her, into the chest he'd spent so much time imagining out of a swimsuit. He trailed hot, openmouthed kissing from the center of her collarbones down between her breasts before devoting his attention fully to the soft swells, teasing her before grazing her peaked nipples with his teeth, prompting a low, scratchy moan from the girl beneath him. His mouth traced the shadows of her ribcage before working it's way, ever so slowly, to her hipbones.

Holly's eyes followed the web a spider on the wall worried busily over behind Reid's shoulder, wondering at the life going on all around this room when it felt like, here, time had lost all meaning. She shuddered convulsively when he slid her pants down her body with cold fingertips that left trails of goose bumps he blew gently on, smirking as her muscles clenched. He kissed down the insides of her thighs, and back up- she tipped her head back, and missed the momentary flash of black in Reid's blue eyes. He now stood completely nude before her, the clothes crumpled beside him only an afterthought.

He lowered himself over her, biceps bunching under her fingers as his face drew nearer to her own.

"You know what?" She didn't respond, and he couldn't look away from the freckle of brown in her right eye. "I still think so."

"What?" Her voice was husky.

"I still think you're gorgeous." She flinched, and pinched his bicep sharply, leaving nail marks he barely felt.

"Shut up." The boy bent slowly- torturously so- over her face, breathing the scent of her own mouth across her face as he nipped her lower lip, tongue flicked out to graze the upper.

"Make me." His voice was playful as he smirked, his kissed-red mouth a mirror image of her own. She placed both of her palms against his chest, gazing up at him with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, before shoving both arms abruptly up. She'd caught him off-guard, and managed to send him toppling sideways off of her, now crushed between her body and the wall. She sat up, and glanced back at him over her shoulder, giggling. He sat up too, leaning against the wall with his feet hanging over the edge of the bed as he twirled a section of her hair between two fingers, taking in the molten copper tone that flickered throughout it in the fiery sunlight. She turned around so that she was facing him, and he reached strong, white arms up for her, pulling her so that she cradled his hips between her knees. She studied the fine blond hairs sprinkled across his abdomen before bending to press her lips to them, hands memorizing every inch of his chest and sides. He gasped as her lips traced the underside of his jaw, her nipples grazing his chest. He felt a need, almost painful, to be inside of her. His hands left her breasts to trace the ripples of her ribcage, and she inhaled sharply when his cold hands grasped her hips firmly. He pulled her down, flush against him, and her head tipped back momentarily as he slid into her. Flushed skin slid against flushed skin as their bodies moved in sync, at once fierce, and halting, and strange. Holly found herself wondering idly if _this _was what all of those words were about, this was nothing like the other boys. Her name, whispered again and again like a plea or a promise against her neck between unbearably sweet kisses, and his heart beating against her chest left her almost afraid, where the lines between what she was sure was _her_, Holly, and what was Reid became less and less clear. The calloused hands on her hips urged her further when the heat in her center pulled tight and snapped, the rush of pleasure shaking her. She leaned over Reid, her body rocking, as the hands holding her hips clenched tight, frantic, before relaxing. He dropped them then as he fell sideways onto the bed and she rolled off of him, quickly turning her back on him as she grabbed her shirt from the floor, buttoning the long flannel so that it covered her. She quickly slipped on her underwear, and her jeans, picking up her shoes and tucking her bra into her back pocket as she made her way to the door. The separation opened an emptiness, jagged and familiar, in her chest, an emptiness she realized she hadn't felt in a while. Since she'd met him.

"Holly- where are you going?" Reid's voice was relaxed, nearly sleepy, but growing more alert with confusion. He frowned slightly, tired eyes hooded.

"Isn't this what's supposed to happen?" Her voice was quiet; he didn't notice it straining. "Isn't this what you do? I really don't want to be the one who watches you leave." And she fixed her eyes on his for the first time, a blaze of emotions that haunted him. She slipped out the door and it clicked deliberately shut behind her. Reid stared after her, and breathed out in a rush of air that took the rising, joyful fullness in his chest with it.

_Neck, chest, waist to floor_

_Easy to take, you could take me in fours_

_Make me a deal, a day a piece_

_Take it all, just stay a week_

_I'll take you in pieces_

_We can take it all apart_

_I've suffered shipwrecks right from the start_

_I've been underwater, breathing out and in_

_I think I'm losing where you and I begin_

_Basic space, open air_

_Don't look away, when there's nothing there_

_I'm setting us in stone_

_Piece by piece, before I'm alone_

_Air tight, before we break_

_Keep it in, keep us safe_

_It's a pool of boiling wax_

_I'm getting in_

_Let it set_

_Got to seal this in_

_Can't adjust, Can't relearn_

_Got to keep what I have, preserve_

_Basic space, open air_

_Don't look away, when there's nothing there_

_Hot wax has left me with a shine_

_Wouldn't know if I'd been left behind_

_Second skin, second skin_

_I can't let it out, I still let you in_

_I can't let it out, I still let you in_

He didn't see her sink to the floor against the locked door of her own empty room, or the shudders that racked her as she folded into herself, knees pressed against her chest.

--

**Author's Note: I know this scene is a good deal more graphic than the previous one, but I felt that the relationship between Reid and Holly was a bit too understated up until this point, and I wanted to convey the emotions they feel for one another. Neither are demonstrative people, so I thought a glimpse into their real, hidden feelings would be helpful. This was actually pretty difficult for me to write (hopefully surprising!), and any constructive criticism would be completely welcomed. The song used here is called Basic Space, by a band called The XX. I've gotten several PM-flames about my use of lyrics and songs in the story, and in response, yes, I realize how annoying that can be! However, in this case it truly isn't an attempt to "show how cool I think I am" and engage in "hipster bullshit," to quote one impassioned reader. Holly is a musician, and besides that she is a very closed-off person. The use of songs is never to show off music I like, but to show music she would be listening to, which is really reflective of what is really going on with her. I also try to use lyrics that pertain to chapter contents as well.**

**Sorry for the defensive rant, I've been feeling a bit hypocritical as I also sometimes dislike songfics too (not all of them!). Thank you all for reading, and sticking with Holly and Reid. **


	13. Messyay

**Hello loves. Sorry I've been AWOL, I was on a road trip and I didn't have my laptop with me. Stupid, stupid brothers. Anyways, I'm back but I'm ridiculously bust getting ready to leave for UC Santa Cruz, so I just thought I'd at least post a mini-chapter for you guys. I'm not dead yet... **

_Fucking late again_. Reid had to resist the urge to smash something as he leaned against the gym wall, fingers tapping dangerously. It was 6:20, and Holly hadn't shown up at the pool yet.

And she had been getting so much better… the girl had managed to make it from one side of the pool to the other just the previous day. He hadn't expected to feel anything like pride at her small smile. Yanking a hand through his hair roughly, Reid pushed off from the wall and stalked towards the dormitories. He wasn't upset because he liked teaching her to swim, liked the light and accidental touches they shared… No.

Who was Holly Donnelly to stand him up? Stand him up? Like it was a date, or something? No. He was done with her. Stupid whore.

Tyler looked up, brows quirked quizzically as Reid slammed into their room and fell with a huff face first onto his bed.

"PMSing again?" Reid groaned into his pillow, and turned his face to the wall.

"Fuck you. Let's go get faded." Tyler grinned as his friend's words and stretched languidly, hauling himself upright.

"Don't need to ask twice, but I'm driving, douche."

"Whatever." Tyler watched the fair boy out of the corner of one very blue eye. This was… interesting.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Kyle- hurry up!" Holly let one hand rest on the closed bathroom door. "We have to do a sound check before they open up the bar." Shimmying uncomfortably to keep the very thin and very short black tank top Kyle had loaned her from riding up, she turned and shuffled out of the kitchen, the hems of her too-large pants dragging on the filthy floor.

"She's coming," she announced to the two boys who were bent over a keyboard and drum set, respectively. Jeremy nodded, testing his symbols as Adam abandoned the now-ready keyboard for his guitar. Holly sat on the small stool behind Kyle's instrument and absently began riffing the intro to "Clocks," humming.

"Holly?" She looked up at Adam. "Shouldn't you be, you know, tuning your fucking bass?"

"You're always so testy before we play, Sweetie," remarked Jeremy from a safe distance, ducking out of Adam's firing range behind his drum kit as the curly-haired boy heaved a half-empty water bottle at him.

"Right," she drawled, adding extra syllables to the word. Kyle had frozen in the doorway, face still in an expression somewhere between amusement and disgust. She arched an eyebrow at the dark-haired girl. "You look perfect, Messier." Kyle's lips twitched, opening involuntarily to expose two rows of even, irritatingly perfect teeth. Her white bangs were clipped to the side of her face with an oversized barrette-a look that reminded Holly of another era- and she looked like a flapper in her gold dress. "You're really sort of annoyingly perfect, Kyle."

"But dude," Jeremy called up from somewhere under Adam's thigh squeeze of doom. "Your last name is Messier. Messy. Hah." Adam giggled, and Kyle made sure to step on him with her- Holly was sure- sharp heels. He whined, clutching his thigh as Jeremy sat up, panting and victorious.

"It's actually pronounced Messy-ay, you know," Kyle grumbled to Holly. "It's French."

"Mmm," Holly agreed without listening to what she was agreeing to. One of Kyle's large dark eyes remained fixed on her friend's face from underneath her hair as the younger girl fiddled with the strap of her guitar. Even for Holly, this was out of it…

"Adam!" The voice was unfamiliar, and snapped Holly out of her reverie. The singer's cousin had ducked out of the kitchen. "You guys have to go on!"


	14. Rootless Tree

"Ohhh my god I'm going to throw up." Holly moved to turn around, but Kyle grabbed her arm.

"No, you're not," she replied, though her face lacked confidence in this statement. "You're fine." But she wasn't fine- there were at least twice as many people in Nicky's this Friday, and they were all watching the stage intently for signs of life. Kyle's eyes on Holly's grew appraising for a moment, and swept her face. "You should wear your glasses more often." Holly ducked self-consciously, and pushed the black-framed lenses higher up her nose.

"I dropped one of my contacts down the sink." At the moment Holly was regretting her ability to see the smoky bar clearly, for she was able to see the faces of each and every person waiting. Waiting for them. Waiting for her.

Word spreads quickly in small towns, and many more students had shown up this week to see the new band in residence, of sorts. As usual, Adam sauntered with an astounding confidence up to the mic and began speaking in an almost conversational manner to the crowd. Within moments more than half of the room was on their feet and crowding towards the stage. He was just one of those people, those people you wanted to watch like just maybe if you figured it out you could be that halfway to celestial too.

"We're gonna do a couple more covers than usual tonight," Adam was saying, and he cocked his head towards Holly to his left for a moment, meeting her eyes. "This first one's called 'How a Resurrection Really Feels,' we love this song. Hope you guys dig it." They never really had a set plan- Adam seemed to make things up as they went along. Their act was all a bluff. Lucky Holly always had been good at bluffing.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"_What _are you looking at, Asshat?" Tyler cocked an eyebrow at Reid, who's eyes were narrowed irritably.

"Touchy."

"Well, if you weren't fucking staring at me I wouldn't be so _touchy_."

"Or maybe if you weren't here to watch your swim buddy and fester in your own self pitying cesspool of unrequited… whatever you'd be in a better mood."

"Tyler?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up." Reid handed Tyler one of the two glasses he'd just obtained from the bar. The boy took it with a sardonic grin.

"Aye aye, Captain."

Reid surveyed the room, ignoring the boy who was speaking to the crowd, shaking his head occasionally to flip the mop of dark curls from his eyes. She was there beside him. Her head was tilted slightly down, and the muscles of her long neck were rigid as though she was forcing herself to keep it up. The set of her shoulders appeared relaxed, but a muscle in her arm jumped. The anxiety she so quietly contained belied a vulnerability she tried to hard to hide. Pathetic. He saw the weird girl in the gold dress flick her short hair, and turn slightly to stick her tongue out at the goofy-looking guy with the floppy hair behind the drums.

_Her parents named her Halleluiah, the kids all called her Holly.  
If she scared you then she's sorry.  
She's been stranded at these parties.  
These parties they start lovely but they get druggy and they get ugly and they get bloody.  
The priest just kinda laughed.  
The deacon caught a draft.  
She crashed into the easter mass with her hair done up in broken glass.  
She was limping left on broken heels.  
When she said father can I tell your congregation how a resurrection really feels?_

People were dancing now, that annoying sort of dancing so full of hopping and arm waving. Girls tossed their hair and shimmied at the veins surfacing in the lead singer's arms, their eyes on his nimble fingers as currents of electric sound rippled through the room from the stage. Even the fucking name was haunting him.

_Holly was a hoodrat.  
Now you finally know that.  
She's been disappeared for years.  
Today she finally came back.  
She said: St. Louis had enslaved me.  
I guess santa ana saved me.  
St. Peter had me on the queue.  
The St. Paul saints they waved me thru.  
I was all wrapped up in some video booth.  
When I heard her say I love you too._

What Reid needed was to get laid. This much was obvious to him. There was Barrett English… her legs extended possibly into the next area code, and summer had obviously been kind to her, but he'd seen her around with her before, and her blondie friend. Austin Riviera looked hot with the black eyeliner- he liked angry girls, but he wasn't into that GI Jane hair. Even for a hundred bucks shaving your head wasn't worth it for chicks… Austin was rich, and she'd looked much better when her hair had been long, and auburn. Marissa Fritz was a maybe, but, like, he might, like, lose like 35 points from his, like IQ just being in like, a ten foot radius of her. But then, only when she opened her, like, mouth. Yknow?

No. Miri Kerwin. Blonde. Blue-eyed. Tan. Freckled. Feminine, normal, _happy_… Perfection.

_She said I've laid beneath my lovers but I've never gotten laid.  
Some nights she felt protected.  
Some nights she felt afraid.  
She spent half last winter just trying to get paid.  
From some guy she'd originally thought to be her savior.  
They wrote her name in magic marks.  
On stop signs and subway cars.  
They got a mural up on e.13th.  
That said Halleluiah rest in peace.  
Halleluiah was a hoodrat.  
And now you finally know that.  
She's been disappeared for years.  
Today she finally came back._

"Hey… Miri right?" The girl shook her hair from her eyes, and her face was flushed with heat from the crowded room and the dancing. Her eyes raked over Reid and then she smiled.

"Hey."

"Wanna drink?" She smirked, and nodded, leaning in close to his ear to whisper _Sex on the Beach, please. _

_Walk on back.  
Walk on back.  
She said don't turn me on again.  
I'd probably just go and get myself all gone again.  
Holly was a sexy mess.  
She looked strung out but experienced.  
So we all got kind of curious._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Holly's eyes were narrowing but blinking didn't clear the picture that swam across the insides of her eyelids.

"Holls. Which d'you wanna do next?" Adam was leaning towards her over his guitar, eyes blistering with enthusiasm and something more. She shook her head slightly, like someone shaking themselves off after stumbling.

"Umm. Your Little Hoodrat Friend?"

"Golden," he replied, his eyes widening minutely in the Adam version of a wink. He signaled the song to Kyle and Jeremy, who nodded and wiped sweaty hair off of his forehead with the back of one tattooed wrist.

A vein was pulsing somewhere in her brain, tightening and constricting the tendons behind her eyes until she saw and heard in flashes, Adam's words laced in and out through the dream-like ocean of moving limbs in front of her.

_Your little hoodrat friend makes me sick, but after I get sick I just get sad.  
Because it burns being broke and it hurts to be heartbroken_

_So always being both must be a drag._

"You're a good dancer," she murmured in his ear, her lips slick with something that smelled vaguely of vanilla. His eyes flicked to her face, needing less than a second to read the triumphant happiness in the set of her lips, and the hunger in the way she held her eyelids half-mast. Tacky. There was no winning when there was nothing to fight against, no achievement in deciphering messages in eyes that flashed them plain as text. He thought involuntarily of the puzzling look in her green, heavy-lidded eyes, of always being on the verge of missing the next stair. Closing his eyes, he nibbled the back of the brown neck that was swaying before him.

_Your little hoodrat friend's been calling me again,  
And I can't stand all the things that she sticks into her skin.  
Like sharpened ballpoint pens, and steel guitar strings.  
She says it hurts  
But it's worth it._

Miri liked the way he danced and the way he pushed her roughly into the wall when he kissed her without waiting for her response, but she liked the slit-eyed glances of her female classmates more. That was a look generally reserved for girls like Sarah Wenham, those girls who were beautiful in so many accidental ways.

_She's got blue black ink and it's scratched into her lower back.  
It said: "damn right i'll rise again." yeah, damn right you'll rise again._

Holly felt something hot rising up in her throat. It was either bile, or it was her voice.

_She said it's funny even true love gets troubled by stillwater _

_And washed up in the mississippi river.  
Her claddagh ring was pointed at the people,  
She said "St. Theresa comes to me in dreams."  
She said "I ain't gonna do anything sexual with you-  
I'm kinda saving myself for the scene."_

"I wanna do the last song."

"What?" Adam had just hurled an open bottle of water over the girls who seemed unable to resist dancing "seductively" in front of the stage, and looked at her with a startled expression.

"Let me do the last song." His gaze flicked between each of her eyes, resting longest on the freckle of brown in her right one. His mouth softened. He leaned towards her, and bent his head to whisper in her ear.

"It's yours."

He saw the curly-haired boy lean over her pale and delicate neck, and his fingers grew harsh in Miri's new honey hair, all beach waved and expensive shampoo. He saw her hesitant half-moon smile and the way it rose up on the right side the way it did whenever he said something that surprised her. The boy tucked a strand of her dark hair behind one pierced ear. He closed his eyes.

"Alright everybody, this is gonna be our last song tonight because, yknow, we've got things to do. Jer has to get to his Magic the Gathering tournament in about twenty minutes. We've got a special treat for you guys tonight, because our own lovely Miss Holly's gonna sing the last song for you. Holls?" He turned to the girl, who had laid her base in the corner and picked up Jeremy's acoustic guitar. With her waist bare, her pale hipbones were poetry and he was forcibly reminded of the last time he had seen them. He pushed back from the wall he'd been leaning against abruptly, making his way towards Tyler at the bar as he ignored Miri's low voice behind him.

Sliding in between Tyler and his latest groupie, Reid took the forcibly vacated stool despite Tyler's protests and snagged the other boy's beer from the bar.

"Dick," Tyler mumbled, but didn't repeat himself when Reid inquired Excuse me, his voice clear and carefully enunciated.

"Hey everybody." He had almost forgotten the way her high-ish voice hesitated slightly, the vowels lilting. Like she wasn't sure why anyone would want to hear what she had to say. "The song we're gonna do here's called 'Rootless Tree,' if any of you know it." Jeremy was adjusting something on one of his cymbals. Kyle and Adam were sitting with their backs against the far wall. "Wanna back me up on this one Adam?" The boy nodded once, and jumped to his feet. He didn't like the way the darker boy, his cocky and arching movements and the angles of his cheekbones. He didn't like the way he pulled a stool up to Holly's, and the way she leaned her torso towards his. He watched Kyle stand instead, picking a beer up off of the amplifier behind the drum kit and leaning against the wall.

The first melodic notes the old guitar made against her calloused, bitten-cuticled fingers were hypnotic, and the room quieted, almost imperceptibly at first. Silky-haired heads leaned against shoulders that smelled faintly of Old Spice, curls were stroked by tender fingers and wistful glances swept through the small ring of girls who had danced for Adam as they saw the hooded look of his eyes on her bare neck, hair pushed behind her ears.

_What I want from you is empty your head _

_But they say be true, don't stay in your bed _

_We do what we need to be free _

_And it leans on me like a rootless tree _

Her voice grew stronger, as it usually did, and her gaze swept the crowd without seeing the eyes glancing back at her. They paused for a moment, and crinkled at the corners as Sarah smiled at her, and slid right past Reid, only to bounce back to him as though she had been stung.

_What I want from us is learn to let go _

_But we fade the forests, fracture the tide _

_We go blind when we needed to see _

_And it leans on me, like a rootless... _

He shifted slightly under her unwavering gaze, and he was uncomfortably aware of Tyler's irritatingly smug face surveying his. He tipped his cup upwards, and peered into it's contents. Mmm alcohol.

_So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you _

_And all you didn't do I said bleed it, bleed it, bleed it _

_There's nothing in you _

_And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much _

_That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out _

_Of hell when you're around_

_Let me out, let me out, let me out _

_Hell when you're around _

_Let me out, let me out, let me out _

Their faces were too close as they bent over the microphone, Adam echoing her words now as Jeremy played unnoticed behind them.

_What I want from this is to learn to let go _

_No not of you, of all that is old _

_Killers re-invent and believe, and it leans on me, like a rootless... _

_So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and all you didn't do _

_I said leave it, leave it, leave it, it's nothin' anyway _

_And did you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much _

_That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out _

_It's hell when you're around _

She raised her chin now, and her eyes didn't drop to the floor. He avoided them, instead studying the blush-colored beauty mark that flecked the outer corner of her left cheekbone. He had kissed it, and thought that it would forever be the proof of his lips on her, that raspberry blush.

_So fuck you, fuck you, I love you_

_And all we've been through _

_I said leave it, leave it, leave it, it's nothing anyway _

_And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much _

_That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out _

_Hell when you're around _

_Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out_

"Thank you, and goodnight." He laughed a little at her ironic tribute to the Sex Pistols but it was a hollow one.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**Alright, a longer chapter finally. Ummmm yeah I'm sort of struggling with words lately. There's a bunch of songs in this one- the first is "How a Resurrection Really Feels," by The Hold Steady, and the second is pieces taken from "Your Little Hoodrat Friend," also by The Hold Steady. The final song, and also my favorite of the three is "Rootless Tree," by Damien Rice. Strongly suggest you check it out. Yyyyeah. Alrighty then. That's all I got. **


	15. Too Drunk To Fuck

**Hello kiddies- back again. This time I'm going to do my best to try and finish this one. I've had some issues to deal with that have left little time or inclination for writing, but let's hope that changes, shall we?**

**xo, Austin**

"Holly, _what _are you listening to?" Sarah took in the unlit room from her position in the doorway, light from the hall flooding in around her. A mostly empty fifth of vodka was about to fall off of the dark-haired girls nightstand, an open 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew sat next to it.

"S'nothing," Holly slurred, feeling the imprint her quilt had left on her cheek as she tried to prop herself up. She wavered, and slumped back onto the bed face-first.

"This is not nothing. This is Air Supply, for gods sakes. This is 'I'm All Out of Love'! Jesus Christ."

"Yuh…" The girls words were muffled, spoken into her blankets. "But 'e hates Air Sply," she muttered.

"He? Is this about Reid?" Sarah's voice was shaper than she'd intended, and she reached out a hand to smooth Holly's hair before catching herself and letting it drop. "Holly." Her voice was soft. "What's wrong?"

"Said s'nothing," Holly repeated, more emphatically this time. "S'not 'bout anybody."

"Yeah. You're right. It's not about anybody. It's about you drunk off your ass alone, passing out in the dark at two o'clock in the afternoon on a Sunday. Is it about your show last night? It went so well, though- everybody loved you guys."

"S'not about the shooow," she moaned, sounding more and more exasperated, "wasn' alone anyways."

"Oh?" Sarah's gaze sharpened. "Oh, okay then. Do you want to tell me who got you this drunk, then, and left you here in the middle of the afternoon alone passing out with your fucking vodka??"

"Mm… no?"

"It was Reid, wasn't it? God, I knew he had something to do with this. I'm going to go find that boy and when I do I'm going to kill-" if Sarah had been a cat, she would have been hissing. At this, though, Holly sat up, swaying slightly before steadying herself with a hand on the wall.

"No! No. He wasn'ere. I ha- I haven'even talked to him. I wasn' with 'im. Has nothing to DO with 'im." She was nearly shouting now, or the closest she could come to it.

"Okay, okay, sure. How about drinking some water then?" Sarah crossed the room, filling a glass with tap water straight from the bathroom sink. She knew better than to argue with someone as drunk as Holly was right now. And she had a feeling she knew someone better to talk to.


	16. Let Men Burn Stars

"Get out. Now." Tyler quailed under that ice blue glare, turned on him by Caleb's petite blonde girlfriend. He shrunk out the door before Reid could do more than glare at him, leaving the tattooed boy to fend for himself alone. _Fuck_.

"What did you do to her?"

"Hello to you too, Gorgeous," he drawled, taking his time.

"I'm not fucking around, Reid. What happened between you and Holly?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Goldie Locks." Sarah raised her chin, and leveled a steady-eyed stare into his own.

"I'm really not fucking around right now Reid." Her voice was low, clipped. "What. Happened. Between. You. And. Holly?" Silently, she dared him to call her Goldie Locks one more time. To her surprise, the boy ducked his head, only the final clinging shreds of his dignity allowed him to keep from shuffling his feet like a guilty child.

"Nothing big… okay?" His voice was vehement, defensive. "I gave her swim lessons, she… conducted video interviews; we both got what we came for."

"And?" Sarah was clearly not fooled. The boy sighed deeply, searchingly.

"And then we kinda hooked up, she freaked out, left, and blew me off at the pool after that." Sarah's frown had deepened steadily with every word. She half-turned away from the boy, staring at a light switch on the opposite wall with unfocused eyes. "She seemed into it. We made out on the roof-" here Sarah raised an eyebrow "-but she was the one who brought me inside and jumped my bones." Here Reid allowed himself a small congratulatory smirk. Sarah was unimpressed. As she looked on, his smirk twitched and slipped out of place, ceded by a look of cool impassivity. She registered even now, to her displeasure, the catlike way in which the fair boy studied her with sidelong, unreadable glances. "She bailed right after, didn't say a word. Haven't talked to her since." With that, Reid rose from his seat on the bed and moved towards the door. "If you'll excuse me," he spoke abruptly, startling Sarah, "I have to get down to the pool. It takes work to look this good."

He left her alone in a strange room with more questions than before she'd come here, on her quest for answers.

--

"So I talked to Lavender after practice today." Reid raised his eyebrows at Tyler, a clear _so what? _with slight _fuck off _overtones. Tyler studied him for a moment, waiting for a response, before flopping lengthwise across the unmade bed opposite Reid's. "Um... He says he hasn't seen Holly at the pool in a while."

"Three weeks, two days," Reid replied in a monotone, eyes still fixed on the ceiling above him. The muscles in his biceps tensed, obvious from their exposed position beneath his head.

"See?! That's exactly what I'm-" Tyler cut himself off, exhaling loudly. He opened his eyes once more. "Lavender says it's a no-go. Well, actually he said that if Donnelly's not swimming laps by the end of the week then neither are you." Reid didn't flinch, giving no sign that he had heard the younger boy's words.

"Look, Reid. I love you- and not in a gay way," he spoke sarcastically over Reid's snort. "But really, dude. Grow the fuck up."

"I don't know what you're talking about." His voice was robotic, dead.

"I think you do, Reid. You haven't been the same since after that night at Nicky's. Since you stopped talking to Holly, and-"

"Shut up." Now his voice was taut with tension, the words cut off and spat out like shards of spun glass.

"Why should I?" Tyler's tone was cynical, he laughed without amusement. "Tell me Reid, why the fuck should I shut up? Because I don't want to watch you annihilate one more girl who doesn't deserve it? Because I'm not pretending everything is all hunky fucking dory? Because I'm not absolutely fucking fine with our varsity year championships being completely fucked because _you_ don't care about anyone but yourself? Aaron Abbot is taking your place in the 4x400 medley relay, did you know that? We're going to lose because of Aaron Abbot. Because of you. Or should I shut up because I'm not pretending like we aren't all worried about you? Enlighten me, oh Holy One. Because everyone has noticed." He sat facing Reid's supine form, staring intently at his friend's pale, pinched face. Whatever he found in the blond boy's expression tempered the harsh glint in his blue eyes. "Reid." His voice was low, but almost gentle. "Tell me." Reid remained on his back, focusing on that same point ahead of him. A muscle in his jaw twitched. His tongue flicked out to wet his bottom lip. He opened his mouth as if to speak, and closed it again. He turned on his side, back to Tyler. "Hey. Please." And there was silence. One minute. Two.

And he drew in a shuddering breath, releasing it jerkily before speaking.

"I didn't stop talking to her." Tyler raised an eyebrow, clearly disbelieving.

"Really."

"Yes really, asshole. Yes really I didn't stop talking to her. Yes really she- yes really some things happened and yes really, _she _was the one who walked out the fucking door. Yes REALLY SHE HASN'T SPOKEN TO ME SINCE." He was nearly yelling now, and hesitated. "Happy? Are you happy now?"

"Of course I'm not." Tyler spoke more tentatively now. "But Reid... something had to have happened. I mean... you had to have done something...?" Now Reid rolled over completely, swinging his feet to the floor quickly and standing.

"This is so fucking typical, Ty. Of _course_ it would be _me_ that fucked it all up. Of course! Reid fucks up everything! Why wouldn't he? Better yet, how could he _not_? How could it _possibly_ be that Holly was the one who fucked and ran this time? Maybe- god forbid- maybe Reid liked a girl. Maybe he fucked her because he couldn't not, because he tried not to but he lo- he tried not to but he liked her and she wanted to and maybe then she just fucking ran away. And maybe then he hasn't seen her since." Reid had shoved shoes onto his feet as he spoke, and now he turned to leave.

"Reid, I-"

"Save it, Tyler. Forget I said anything." And he was gone.

--

Holly stifled a squeak as she crushed herself into the shadows of the niche behind the water fountain, her face pressed against the cool of whitewashed wall. He passed her quickly, a ripple of wind leaving the scent of his skin stinging in her nostrils. She waited until she heard him clatter down the three flights of stairs, and only when she heard the building's door slam open and close again did she move to extricate herself from her hiding space. She was just rising to her feet when a quick-moving shape slammed into her, knocking her back against the fountain with a crack. She winced, gasping with pain as she felt the back of her head, hair sticky with blood.

"Um... ow?" She whispered more to herself than to the shape on the floor beside her, who was flooding the air with alternating expletives and apologies. "Tyler?" She spoke slightly louder, recognizing the voice and the contours of his familiar face in the dark hallway.

"I am so, so sorry- I was trying to catch up with my-"

"Reid. He went downstairs like a minute ago." She leaned dizzily against the wall, hand cradling the back of her head and legs splayed at odd angles in front of her.

"Holly?" Tyler's voice was now sharp with recognition, and something else.

"Yeah. I was just looking-"

"I don't think Reid wants to talk to you right now, Holly." His expression was hard. "Or ever." Her head tilted backwards in surprise, reeling as if he had reached out and slapped her.

"That's… that's fine. That's good, actually, because I was just looking for you." Now it was Tyler's turn to look surprised.

"Can we talk?" The boy stood, silently, and studied her for a moment before reaching out a hand. She took it, and was nearly levitated to her feet. Tyler was much stronger than he looked.

"Not here," he replied curtly.

"Lead the way, then."


	17. Author's Note

Hey, everyone. Just wanted to put up an announcement to any remaining readers I might have, or anyone who even remembers what this story is. I'm coming back to the FF community, and I've been editing and reposting old chapters of this story. No big changes, but corrections in grammar and awkward diction. If you notice any errors or unclear sentences, please let me know! I've edited three chapters today, and when I finish editing what's already written, I'll be continuing with Queen Jane Approximately- which is hopefully good news!

Hope you all have been well.


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